And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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