Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
