Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
