Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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