I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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