It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
