it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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