Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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