Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
