White coat. Heels.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
