I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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