Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
