hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize