I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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