you guys were way drunker than both of me
My hand turned me down
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
being pregnant is like rehab
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
