I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize