I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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