so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
