here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
