Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
