the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
