If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
