A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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