thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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