He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
