My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize