He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
