Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
