Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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