We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
