meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
