I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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