remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize