honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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