I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i drank out of a bidet.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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