dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
