so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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