doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
