Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
