Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Boobs are out for the taking
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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