If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
