life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
