if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
