I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
