party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
