1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
