I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
