Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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