Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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