Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sext me about skeletons
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
