Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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