two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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