and you said cock pushups were impossible
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize