He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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