Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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