i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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