fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
