I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
