Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm gonna have a badass scar
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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