and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
