one might say we're banned from that church
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
