You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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