"it" just moved
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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