Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
