People with herpes should wear stickers.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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