my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
