can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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