we have pet lesbian snakes
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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