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That's when you crack a 10am beer
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
