you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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